WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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