laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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