does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
