My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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