He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
