i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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