Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
