My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
