Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
