I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
