look no pants
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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