I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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