somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
