My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
