Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
