i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
