conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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