two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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