How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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