Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
