I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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