please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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