did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
