she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize