just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
