i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
