smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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