On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
