theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
