morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
