i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
