Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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