I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
