I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have demons in me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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