i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
