just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
