He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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