Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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