Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
