remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
