i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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