I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
