I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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