I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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