pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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