I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
