when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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