Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Less talking, more tequila
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
