I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
