I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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