Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
