You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My vagina is officially offended.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
