i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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