I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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