is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
