there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
