tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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