she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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