you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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