I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
