I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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