just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
