i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
