Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I touched a dick in church today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
