My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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