The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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