no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
