my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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