Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
