i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
