i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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