What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
