Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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