You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
