I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
