I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
where are my eyebrows?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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